"Self-Love and the Rubber Band model"

 "Self-Love and the Rubber Band model"

Olivia resented two things in life; Mirrors and photographs of herself. When she looked in the mirror, she saw a complexion that was too dark and a nose that was too large. She lived her life believing that she was never good enough, which caused her misery, and kept her from living the life she dreamt of. Sadly, she never saw how beautiful she really was. If she had seen her true beauty, she could have found happiness, true love, and the strength to live a fulfilling life.

Unfortunately, in all of us, there is a little bit of Olivia struggling to find love and feel accepted.

Self-love is one of the fundamental building blocks for love, happiness and success in life. It influences who you pick for a mate, the image you project at work and how you cope with the problems in your life.

Have you ever noticed that when you start to make a change in your life, it seems like things get worse?

For example you make a commitment to love yourself more and loved ones begin to think you are being selfish, you decide to change your wardrobe and thoughts of being extravagant pull you back, you begin to work hard towards a promotion at work and your colleagues think you are spying on them,  you commit to get out there to date and you are immediately faced with many wrong matches! You get married and your girlfriends desert you! This might seem like bad luck but in actual sense you are facing what we call the  Rubber band effect of personal growth.

You are moving out of your comfort zone and the fears that once kept you stuck are trying to pull you back to safety.

The rubber band conditions you to expand your awareness and is actually an ally in moving you forward. Disguised as an enemy this stretching and pulling builds your character, confidence and courage to fully accept and love yourself.

 Application of the Rubber band effect to self love.

Scenario

Imagine you are Olivia, tangled between 2 rubber bands right now. One rubber band is pulling you forward  towards self-acceptance and love while the other is holding you back to the status quo.

 Each rubber band stretched out to its limit and one is pulling you away and the other closer. Which means you can’t make a move, you are stuck. At this point instead of rushing to make a decision, take a moment to reflect on what are those positive things that are drawing you away from your current dilemma? List them down.

Again take a moment and list down all those positive thoughts that are holding you to the status quo.

Once the 2 lists are fully exhausted, review the options and your responses and decide which alternative option is the strongest and then decide.

This model looks at the positive aspects of each option instead of focusing on the negative which creates biases.

As we conclude, loving yourself is magical, it’s a divine relationship that will help you radically improve every single aspect of your life. And using the rubber band model, we can shed off old layers of our old self to step into our true essence. When we generate enough strength during the times of resistance, we can then break the rubber band and step into a fresh new you.

Ref: The decision book: 50 Models for Strategic Thinking, authored by Krogerus M. and Tschappeler, R (2012) we read about the Rubber band Model.

CC3 speech- Get to the point

By Irene Naikaali

IRENE NAIKAALI DELIVERS A RESOUNDING PROJECT 2 SPEECH

"Thermostats and Thermometers"

St. Charles Lwanga Catholic Parish in Mutundwe held its annual day for the married congregants on 31^st July 2016. It was such a joyful event, graced by wives immaculately dawned in white "busutti" with yellow sashes. The men too graced the day with the symbolic leadership attire .the "Kanzus" with black coats. Who was fairest of them all? Isn’t a question I could easily answer, because the sea of couples seemed to have been matched in heaven. They were gorgeous!

The speeches were well prepared to suit the theme of the day which was “effective communication in homes: A key to national development."

Focusing on external appearances can be deceptive. We had a colorful function but there was serious tension that had built up over the last 2 weeks of preparations between the Parish executive committee members and the sub-parish representatives. Majority of the sub-parish representatives had failed to mobilize contributions from individual couples including themselves.

The sub-parish representatives failed to influence the sub parishioners as they did not lead by example. According to majority, the contribution of UGX 10,000/= required from each couple was considered exorbitant to spend on a church function!  This experience set me thinking deeply about the issue of personal influence. How do you build this quality as a leader? My reflections led me to think of a leader with personal influence as a thermostat as opposed to a thermometer.

When I used the term Personal Influence what does it mean to you?

In marketing language, Personal influence is the power of an individual or group to control the purchasing power or decisions of others.

 John Maxwell a leadership guru in his book entitled the 21 Irrefutable laws of Leadership states, “the true measure of leadership is influence – Nothing More, Nothing Less”

Personal influence is both internal and external. External personal influence involves social interactions between two or more persons such as husband and wife, Toastmasters and guests at a meeting for example, I invite at least 5 guests to our Toastmasters meetings with the aim of interesting them to join the Club. I use personal influence to prevail over them by colorfully presenting the benefits they could derive from the interactions with the members of the Club.

Personal influence can also be internal whereby the decisions one makes are influenced by mental processes that have to do with other people or groups. For example, a teenager may choose to smoke due to peer influence or pressure for acceptance by his or her peers. I will share with you another example. I confess that I devote much time to prepare my speeches so that I appear as eloquent and organized as other Toastmasters.

The foundation in both cases of personal influence is the degree of trust the people have in you. As a leader, without trust, the people you intend to influence may comply outwardly to your wishes when physically present but are much less likely to conform privately by adopting similar values, cultures and mission of the organization or group; just like in the case of sub-parishioners.

How can you build trust and increase your personal influence as a leader?

• Raise your hand! Yes, raise your hand to new opportunities for growth and projects that contribute to the growth of your group or organization. Be among those few people in your group or organization who have developed a reputation for volunteership. It is leaders like you with a volunteership spirit that raise their hands at any opportunity to be involved with something they think is important for the group. This gives you a chance to make connections and develop new and valuable skills that you in turn use to influence others to think differently.
• Groom other leaders, develop protégés, and mentor others to do what you do and to do it even better! President Theodore Roosevelt said that People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care! As a leader, make it your business to help other people grow and develop their skills. In this way you are planting seeds that will soon sprout and grow in ways beyond your imagination. If you want to grow your influence, focus on growing others and the influence will flow naturally. Just like respect, influence is earned! You got to invest time into building your personal influence.
• Become a navigator; “Anyone can steer the ship, but it takes a leader to chart the course” Before embarking on a journey of influence, a good leader goes  through a planning  process in order to give the trip the best chance of being a success. This process may include among others, drawing on past experiences, examining conditions before making commitment, listening to what others have to say and ensuring that conclusions represent both faith and facts.
• Join Toastmasters! At Toastmasters we learn the art of public speaking. Good public speaking skills allow you to convey your message in a clear and eloquent manner that allows it to come alive for your listeners. For example, as the head of fundraising, you might be tasked to communicate an idea to a potential funder who has limited knowledge about your field of expertise yet has the authority and funds to determine your next project. Your ineffectiveness to communicate the idea might cost your organization this huge grant.

A quick reminder about the 4 points to help you build trust and increase your influence as a leader; Raise your hand to new opportunities for growth, Groom other leaders,  become a navigator and join Toastmasters.

Think about the difference between a thermometer and thermostat, most leaders in many organsations including homes are thermometers. They can tell you what the temperature is .They understand the environment they are in. However, Influential persons are thermostats. They sense the temperature, and adjust accordingly. In other words they set the temperature and change the environment. These persons are the ones who influence their organizations day by day. Be a thermostat not a thermometer.

Irene Naikaali Ssentongo

CC2 speech

 We're holding our second annual speech contest on Thursday 17 November at Protea Hotel. Cards are on sale at 25,000/- Contact Serukwaya on +256 777 391277

Join our launch of the Bukoto Toastmasters Club on Tuesday 1st November at the Goethe Zentrum Library on Bukoto Street from 6:00pm. Call +256 751 703226

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