"Self-Love and the Rubber Band model"

 "Self-Love and the Rubber Band model"

Olivia resented two things in life; Mirrors and photographs of herself. When she looked in the mirror, she saw a complexion that was too dark and a nose that was too large. She lived her life believing that she was never good enough, which caused her misery, and kept her from living the life she dreamt of. Sadly, she never saw how beautiful she really was. If she had seen her true beauty, she could have found happiness, true love, and the strength to live a fulfilling life.

Unfortunately, in all of us, there is a little bit of Olivia struggling to find love and feel accepted.

Self-love is one of the fundamental building blocks for love, happiness and success in life. It influences who you pick for a mate, the image you project at work and how you cope with the problems in your life.

Have you ever noticed that when you start to make a change in your life, it seems like things get worse?

For example you make a commitment to love yourself more and loved ones begin to think you are being selfish, you decide to change your wardrobe and thoughts of being extravagant pull you back, you begin to work hard towards a promotion at work and your colleagues think you are spying on them,  you commit to get out there to date and you are immediately faced with many wrong matches! You get married and your girlfriends desert you! This might seem like bad luck but in actual sense you are facing what we call the  Rubber band effect of personal growth.

You are moving out of your comfort zone and the fears that once kept you stuck are trying to pull you back to safety.

The rubber band conditions you to expand your awareness and is actually an ally in moving you forward. Disguised as an enemy this stretching and pulling builds your character, confidence and courage to fully accept and love yourself.

 Application of the Rubber band effect to self love.

Scenario

Imagine you are Olivia, tangled between 2 rubber bands right now. One rubber band is pulling you forward  towards self-acceptance and love while the other is holding you back to the status quo.

 Each rubber band stretched out to its limit and one is pulling you away and the other closer. Which means you can’t make a move, you are stuck. At this point instead of rushing to make a decision, take a moment to reflect on what are those positive things that are drawing you away from your current dilemma? List them down.

Again take a moment and list down all those positive thoughts that are holding you to the status quo.

Once the 2 lists are fully exhausted, review the options and your responses and decide which alternative option is the strongest and then decide.

This model looks at the positive aspects of each option instead of focusing on the negative which creates biases.

As we conclude, loving yourself is magical, it’s a divine relationship that will help you radically improve every single aspect of your life. And using the rubber band model, we can shed off old layers of our old self to step into our true essence. When we generate enough strength during the times of resistance, we can then break the rubber band and step into a fresh new you.

Ref: The decision book: 50 Models for Strategic Thinking, authored by Krogerus M. and Tschappeler, R (2012) we read about the Rubber band Model.

CC3 speech- Get to the point

By Irene Naikaali

KNOWLEDGE AND NETWORKS ; CC4 BY STIRLING GAPARA

Good evening fellow toastmasters and guests,

It was Robin Sharma who said, where you`ll be in the next 5 years depends on the books you read, your closest friends and the groups you are a part of. I tend to agree with Mr. Sharma.

You see, I have a client and let`s call him John. John is as handsome as Denzel Washington. He is well groomed, fit looking and has an aura of success about him. John graduated from the university in the year 2000 and recently he acquired his MBA. He works for a manufacturing company where he is the finance manager, a position he has held for about 8 years. John is pretty well paid, drives a beautiful Rav 4 and his children go to an international school. But he is frustrated, angry and disappointed with his progress at work. He feels he has reached the apex of his career. He is desperate for a change but opportunities seem to be few and far between or he simply doesn’t quite make the cut at interviews.

Photos by Andrew Welishe; VPPR Bukoto Toastmasters Club

John is not alone in having these frustrations. In fact, he is typical of the clients I often work with. I do not have a silver bullet for John but I believe I can help.  My solution in dealing with John`s problems boils down to just two words- knowledge and networks. I am persuaded that if John is diligent in his acquisition ofgeneral knowledge,building and developing his networks he will be spoilt for choice when it comes to making a career change.

Toastmasters and guests, it is a fact, you are almost always going to be competing with a myriad of very well qualified people for the position you desire. So, you will need that edge, astuteness and wit that generalknowledge brings.Read different kinds of books andarticles on a variety of subjects. Never limit yourself. I have a friend who says he has no problem being in a traffic jam because this gives him the opportunity to listen to audio books and podcasts. Another thing to consider. The next time you are at your local video club buying your favourite series, I encourage you to consider buying something on a topic like the Scramble for Africa or the conspiracy theory of how the Russians are taking over the world. The general knowledge that you will have will allow you to have conversations with different people regardless of their backgrounds, culture or social standing. Along with that people will perceive you as intelligent, clever and oozing with wisdom.   I can assure you that the world will be your oyster as all sorts of doors began to open for you.

Networks. Many of you are already in some sort of network. These include your church, Rotary and of course toastmasters. This is all very commendable. But I urge you to go beyond just being mere members of these groups. Volunteer your services and seek leadership positions. Where there are challenges in these organisations go all out to be the solution. This will grow sphere of influence within the organization and beyond.

I must hasten though to warn you Rome was not built in a day. Although the advice I am giving you is simple it is not easy. Start slowly. Give yourself perhaps a year to gain momentum. The natural laws of the universe that God ordained start to work in your favour.   You will begin to see that people will treat you better. You will gain respect, honour and favour. Opportunities begin to come your way and progressively you move towards your purpose, your calling and indeed the desires of your heart. It is not an easy journey but one that is worth making.

This speech by  Stirling Gapara, is entitled Knowledge and Networks and was delivered at Kampala Toastmasters Club and Bukoto Toastmasters Club.